Tuesday, September 05, 2006

For years now I have been anticipating the day I would reveal myself to the rest of the Smoth family. To this day, my existence is known only to two of the Smoths, Marie-Louise and Jimmy. We have kept in touch and I was given permission to post my story.

My name is Samantha Smoth, and I am the first child of Marie-Louise and Jimmy. I was born during the 16-month bus tour that mom and dad were on to promote their WKRP (in Cincinnati) wedding. They were celebrities (in Raleigh, North Carolina and Dover, Delaware, especially) and my birth was kept out of the public eye. I hear that the paparazzi in the north-eastern states can be very aggressive. My parents sent me to Bern, Switzerland to grow up (out of the spotlight) under the care of Diedrich Vasser II, from whom I eventually learned the trade that has made me filthy rich. I am in the lucrative business of on-line purchase and re-sale of mammalian testicles (ie. balls). In all likelihood, I was part of the transaction involving Trixiebelle's genitalia. I won't go into all the details, but you'd be surprised at the price that a good "pair" fetches these days (of course, all transactions on-line are completely confidential and come with a full money-back guarantee for up to 18-months).

A little about myself: I am 27 years old and am in a committed relationship with a fellow I met in Switzerland a few years back. Thomas is an alpine guide, trained and experienced in central Saskatchewan, Canada. He also is a Ricola spokesman in the off-peak season. Thomas and I enjoy the high-life here in Bern, socializing, playing strip cribbage, and watching America's Funniest Home Videos (on satellite). Currently, we are busy renovating the log cabin. There is a bowling alley in the rec room that is being ripped out...no one in there right mind would take up the game anyways (unless you were an amputee, of course). We are thinking of replacing it with a curling rink.

Exciting news, Thomas and I are getting married in a few months. With our exceptional wealth, we've decided to pay for everyone to come out to Switzerland to share with us our special day. More details will be announced at the family reunion.

It's such a relief to tell everyone my story and can't wait to hear from you all.



Blogger Smoth Family said...

I'm so excited, I have a "real" sister...it's been quite a stretch considering the state of Trixibelle's femininity.


1:30 PM  
Blogger Smoth Family said...

Yes, this is all true. We apologize for keeping Samantha's identity a secret for so long. We are very proud of Britney and Trixiebelle, it's just that we felt Samatha needed protection at that stage of our lives...we had no idea how long our fame would last. The fame, and everything that comes along with it, was no place to raise a child. A few years before Samanta's birth we met Diedrich Vasser II on a fishing trip in the Gobi Desert. We bacame instant friends. When the time came for Samantha's birth, Diedrich was the second person we called...Tom Selleck (Magnum P.I.) declined...he said he didn't even know us. C'mon Tom, we watched your show every week!

Samantha was raised just like any other boy or girl...except for the vast amount of money (and peanuts and shampoo) at Diedrich's disposal. She was taught to respect life and how to buy and re-sell mamalian testicles Yes, mammalian covers humans... lions, tigers, and bears (...oh my!) It's quite the lucrative trade these days.

I hope you all take the time to welcome Samantha to the Smoth Family...she has been telling everyone about the Smoth family all over Europe and the world in her travels.


10:45 AM  

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